Music and lyrics by Richie Kavanagh
No smoking now, inside the pub, no smoking now at all.
Ya have ta smoke outside, in the shed beside a wall.
Me wife she went outside, she was dying for a fag.
Outside she met a fella and instead she had a shag.
Chorus
Oh hokey, smokey, pokey, smokey if ya can.
Smokey, smokey, smokey, the auld smokey ban.
Oh hokey, smokey, pokey, smokey now no more.
Smokey, smokey, smokey, smoke outside the door.
The great thing now about it, is the clean air for a start.
Ya don’t have ta go outside, if ye want ta let a-fart?
No ashtrays on the counter, no butts upon the floor.
No fog a smoke ta meet ye, when ye walk inside the door.
Chorus
Oh hokey, smokey, pokey, smokey if ya can.
Smokey, smokey, smokey, the auld smokey ban.
Oh hokey, smokey, pokey, smokey now no more.
Smokey, smokey, smokey, smoke outside the door.
So be careful of your girlfriend, when she goes outside the door.
She might meet someone outside and come back to you no more.
Be careful of your girlfriend, when she goes out for a fag.
She could end up like my wife and maybe have a shag.
Chorus
Oh hokey, smokey, pokey, smokey if ya can.
Smokey, smokey, smokey, the auld smokey ban.
Oh hokey, smokey, pokey, smokey now no more.
Smokey, smokey, smokey, smoke outside the door.
(Richie) “Johnny, did you give up the fags?”
(Johnny) “No I started smoking more, ‘cos there’s more girls outside than there is inside in the pub!”
(Richie) “Your coding, more outside!!! Be the lord bless us and save us.”