Music and lyrics by Richie Kavanagh
(Richie) “Well Johnny, how is the diet going?”
(Johnny) “Ah bad lad, bad.”
Chorus
Oh lord it’s so hard to be hungry.
But I’ll stay on the diet anyway.
I can’t bare to step on the weighing scales.
I get pounds heavier each day.
To know me is to feed me.
I’m surely a great big fat man.
Oh lord it’s so hard to be hungry.
But I’m doing the best that I can.
I can’t bare to pass by the chippers.
The ice-cream man’s my best friend.
Those tasty instant dinners.
They surely are a Gods send.
Those lovely giant bars of chocolate.
And washing them all down with coke.
It’s alright for his all to be talking.
I don’t drag on a fag for a smoke.
Chorus
Oh lord its so hard to be hungry.
But I’ll stay on the diet anyway.
I can’t bare to step on the weighing scales.
I get pounds heavier each day.
To know me is to feed me.
I’m surely a great big fat man.
Oh lord it’s so hard to be hungry.
But I’m doing the best that I can.
“Hey Johnny, how is the wife?”
Me wife she is so fat.
And me wife she is so wide.
But she has a lovely new corset.
For to pull in her backside.
She goes off with the big crowd of women.
She says that she’s going to lose weight.
I think that she’s off galavanting.
An excuse for staying out late.
Chorus
Oh lord its so hard to be hungry.
But I’ll stay on the diet anyway.
I can’t bare to step on the weighing scales.
I get pounds heavier each day.
To know me is to feed me.
I’m surely a great big fat man.
Oh lord its so hard to be hungry.
But I’m doing the best that I can.
Last week I went into the drapers.
Says I want a great big coat.
He says I have nothing to fit ye.
Your gone into an awful aul float.
Why don’t ye give up all this eating.
And get down to a normal wee size.
I know what your saying sounds easy.
And know that it is very wise.
Chorus
Oh lord it’s so hard to be hungry.
But I’ll stay on the diet anyway.
I can’t bare to step on the weighing scales.
I get pounds heavier each day.
To know me is to feed me.
I’m surely a great big fat man.
Oh lord it’s so hard to be hungry.
But I’m doing the best that I can.
Oh we’re doing the best that we can.
(Johnny) “I’m not!!”