Music and lyrics by Richie Kavanagh
Chorus
I eat what I like, when I’m looking at the telly.
Bags of crisps, cans of coke, I’m puttin’ on a belly.
Then wife said your not gonna sit here for the winter.
‘Cos I’m gonna send ye to the health an’ leisure centre.
The health an’ leisure centre, thats the place I goes.
To lift me arms an’ bend me back an’ try en touch me toes.
I know me bum is spreading an’ I have a double chin.
But the health an’ leisure centre, will get me back in shape again.
They wrote me out a program an’ showed me what ta do.
We’ll put muscles on ye, like ye never knew.
They had me pumpin’ iron, did ye ever see the like.
Peddling like an eagit, with no wheels upon me bike.
Chorus
The health an’ leisure centre, that’s the place I goes.
To lift me arms an’ bend me back an’ try en touch me toes.
I know me bum is spreading an’ I have a double chin.
But the health an’ leisure centre, will get me back in shape again.
They put me on the treadmill, I broke out in a sweat.
I was hardly on a minute, when I was nearly bet.
Begore I tried the steper, it wasn’t easy now ye see.
An’ that yoke they call the rower, knocked the stuffings outta me.
Chorus
The health an’ leisure centre, that’s the place I goes.
To lift me arms an’ bend me back an’ try en touch me toes.
I know me bum is spreading an’ I have a double chin.
But the health an’ leisure centre, will get me back in shape again.
They put me in the steam room, steam was coming out me ears.
The stuck me in the sauna, the seat would flow like tears.
They brought me to the swimming pool, they weren’t finished yet.
They threw me in on top of me head an’ I nearly froze ta death.
Chorus
The health an’ leisure centre, that’s the place I goes.
To lift me arms an’ bend me back an’ try en touch me toes.
I know me bum is spreading an’ I have a double chin.
But the health an’ leisure centre, will get me back in shape again.
The health an’ leisure centre, will help ye lost the pounds.
There springing up like mushrooms, in the villages an’ the towns.
Sure I knows all about them, I’ve done ’em all before.
An’ I was still a fat arse an’ I can’t take anymore.